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Ep. 23 Adoption: When Things Fall Through

This week on Beauty is Rising, Kelli speaks with Rebecca Harvin. 

Rebecca and I connected through our stories of adoption.  Both of us have our own Ethiopian adoption stories, albeit with different endings, but the lessons that have been learned are undeniable. 

Rebecca is the founder of Haven, an organization for adoptive families that specifically creates space for rest.  She and her husband, Brad, have 2 bio kids and are currently fostering 4 children ages 4-17 years old.

Rebecca loves taking the time to normalize the array of emotions that comes with parenting children from hard places and really prides herself on taking the time to find clarity in what her role is in each child’s life that she fosters.  Once she knows that role, she focuses 100% on completing her mission.

[03:50, Rebecca] “At the time, they were a match right after that is when the suspension started happening and basically.  We feel it. We ended up filling out the rest of the USCIS paperwork. And then our case stalled. Hard core. Like not another thing went right, right before we were matched and everything went right after we were married. Nothing went right. And I started having this feeling.”

Rebecca reflecting on their first ever matching process and the feelings associated with it.

[05:35,Rebecca] “ … there wasn’t a trace of doubt in my mind when I said this, it was like, God, we don’t have a yard because we were living in an apartment. So it was like, oh, I wonder where the yard is going to come from.  Like, that’s how my brain can work in the middle of like this doesn’t look possible situation. And then somebody was like, well, how much do you need to raise? And I was like, well, the next the next check we have to write is for five thousand dollars. I don’t know how the Lord’s going to provide five thousand dollars, but he told me to have a yard sale. So that’s what I’m doing, right?  And the yard sale to the penny raised five thousand dollars.”

Rebecca explaining through example why she doesn’t need something to logically make sense for her to trust it.

[10:03, Rebecca] “Like you needed us to foster him. He needed love, which is what we did. We fostered him. While their family was preparing for adoption. And it’s a beautiful story. It is. There are parts of it that feel like a miscarriage and there are parts of it that feel as life giving as you could possibly.Feel when you’re following the Lord. Like he redeems everything, you know.”

[14:59, Rebecca] “We don’t get to pick our part of the song. We get to do what the Lord is asking us to do, and hopefully one day see how that works out. But maybe we don’t. It is a gift from the Lord that I know that he that I can follow his story. It is a gift. I don’t take it lightly.”

[40:48, Rebecca] “I turned around and I said, what if we stopped asking the question, how do we survive foster care or adoption? And we started asking the question, what would it look like to thrive here? And when I asked that question out loud it was like my spirit joined it. I don’t know how else to, you know, when you say something and then you’re like, oh, my God, that’s it! That’s the path that I’m supposed to be walking down right now. And that became our new mantra.

Rebecca on reframing the mindset of foster and adoptive parents for kids from hard places.

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