In this episode, Kelli is talking with Bryan Post. Together they discuss the way that our adoptive children react to stress, fear & overwhelm.
Bryan is the founder of The Post Institute and is widely renowned as one of America’s foremost child behavior experts. For more than 15 years, Bryan has provided support to parents who feel as though they have been pushed to the limit. With a movement-leading approach to consider the unique effects of family dynamics and stress on children’s emotions and behaviors, Bryan has helped countless families positively transform their relationships.
Bryan: [2:58] Growing up, I mean, it was oftentimes like World War Three. And that really is what laid the seeds I believe for me. For me doing work with adoption and why I’m so passionate about it just because of that experience.
Bryan is the author or co author of twelve different books, most of which relating to adoption, trauma and stress.
Bryan: [5:53] Most parents operate from within the matrix. In this matrix is a is a conditioned way of looking at children and looking at their behaviors based on generations of parenting.
And it goes, you know, it goes so far back that the way we view children and the way we react to them is almost on autopilot.
Inside the episode Bryan talks so much more in depth about this lens that we view our children in and how we can change it out something entirely new and better.
Bryan: [14:41] So the first step in this is this is the simplest and it’s also the most complex, is for parents to understand that their children are fearful. Fearful and stress sensitive. That’s the best way to look at the adopted child.
They are fearful, they’re full of fear, and they are stress sensitive, and when they become stressed they regress. When they become regressed they’re going to act from their emotional age not their chronological age, not their cognitive age. They’re going to operate from their emotional age. That’s when it starts to get intense from for the parent.
Sometimes it can be easy to forget the true trauma our children have gone through, and the true effect it has on them every single day.
Bryan: [25:23] Absolutely Grace is essential. And here’s what I love about parenting is you unequivocally are allowed to mess up. And I want you to mess up. But here’s what I want you to do after you mess up, I want you to think about it. I want you to look at it and I want you to ask yourself what could I have done differently.
How often do we really sit and think through the things we could have done different, in a way that isn’t punishing ourselves, but truly looking to form new pathways in our brain to respond differently next time? Be sure to tune into the episode and learn so much more from Bryan. You can also find more about him and the Post Institute below.